Wednesday 5 December 2018
Monday 3 December 2018
Saturday 30 December 2017
15 Signs When You Need To Visit A Marriage Counselor
Most couples end up in divorce court because they wait until it is too late to get the help needed to save their marriage. Not dealing with marital problems can mean a build up of resentment; hurt feelings and can cause one spouse to emotionally detach from the other.
Often times, we don't go into a relationship with the tools to manage the challenges, which is where the pros come in. And by pros, I mean a counselor or therapist who can help you learn new ways of relating to your partner.
The question is: when do you know it's time to consider marriage counseling? Here are some trigger points and behaviors that are signs you may need help.
1. When you aren't talking = In all honesty, many relationship challenges are simply challenges in communication. A marriage counselor can help facilitate new ways to communicate with each other. Once communication has deteriorated, often it is hard to get it going back in the right direction.
2. Having the Same Arguments Over and Over Again With no Resolution = Couples fight But most of the time they're able to make up and get over it. Even if they don't agree on a solution, they're able to say sorry and move ahead with no bad feelings. But when you just can't seem to come to a resolution together and keep rehashing the same old argument with it ending in the same old hurt feelings, that's a big sign that you should see a marriage counselor.
3. When you're talking, but it’s always negative = Negative communication can include anything that leaves one partner feeling judged, shamed, disregarded, insecure or wanting to withdraw from the conversation. Negative communication also includes the tone of conversation because it’s not always what you say, but how you say it. Negative communication can escalate into emotional abuse as well as non-verbal communication.
4. When you keep secrets = Each person in a relationship has a right to privacy, but when you keep secrets from each other, something isn't right.
5. When you're afraid to talk. When it's just too frightening to even bring issues up. This can be anything from sex or money, or even annoying little habits that are being blown out of proportion. A marriage counselor is to help a couple become clear about their issues and to help them understand what they are truly talking about.
6. You always expect your spouse to change = You see your spouse's faults and failures every day. It's really irritating and frustrating you. They're messy, they're lazy, they nag you, they don't help with the kids, they're always at work. You think you've done all the changing, and they haven't done a thing.
7 Over possessiveness = Sometimes, too much of anything is bad. The same goes for married couples. Too much love also leads to misunderstandings and an example of that is over possessiveness. Sometimes, the wife might generally talk to another man related to work but the husband might not see this in a good way. This is the point where arguments are caused due to over possessiveness. In such cases, both the partners are trying to put their point and in doing so they are indirectly fighting. Possessiveness at some point is okay to deal with but over possessiveness definitely causes a lot of trouble between partners.
8-Dealing with the Child = The child is considered to be a mark of love in a married couple’s life, but sometimes it is this child that becomes the reason for most of their disagreements. The needs of the child are many and those have to be taken care of by both the parents but sometimes the parents do not know how to go about with the situation. One of them wants to raise their kid in a particular manner while other one does not agree with that. Another factor over here is discipline. Both the parents are sometimes not uniform in their way of imposing discipline in the child. The husband might be strict and the mother might be relaxed and vice versa. In such cases, fights are very natural. The couples start fighting as to whose decision should prevail and this leads to the beginning of a break in their relationship.
9= Dealing with in-laws = For a husband or wife who is not accepted in the family, dealing with the in laws can be very hectic. If they are far off then it is okay to deal with them but if they live nearby or in the family itself then that can be a problem. The problem between the husband and wife starts when the wife starts complaining to his husband about her in laws or maybe the husband starts cribbing about the way his mother in law treats him. Sometimes it may be possible that the husband does not say anything, but usually, the husband or wife, start taking sides of their families. The idea case should be that a husband and wife should be accepted in both the families, but this case is not so usual and it generally becomes a cause of their misunderstanding.
10. Decision making = Making decisions is an important function that a couple has to do when they are married but sometimes, it is this process of decision making that leads to trouble. Sometimes even this cannot be decided that who is to make a particular decision, whether it’s the husband or the wife. In such cases fights take place which get worse. Sometimes one of the partners may take a decision but it may not be appreciated by the other person. In such cases arguments are inevitable and it can be solved only by proper discussion by both the partners.
11. Disagreement in sexual matters = Disagreement between sexual matters is also one of the reason which leads to fights between married couples. It may be that one of the partners is not feeling well that day, but the other partner, in spite of knowing this, insists upon the same. This is the place when the fights start.
12. Extra-Marital Affair = Sometimes, one of the partners starts getting suspicious of the other partner in case of an extra marital affair. The extra marital affair may be true or it may just be a misunderstanding. If it is just a suspicion without any proof, that causes most of the fights between couples where each of them is trying to prove the other person wrong.
13. Work Issues/ not giving enough time = Sometimes in the case of couples where one of them work or both of them do, they often complain that their partner does not give sufficient time to them and the family. Sometimes, only the husband works and he often returns late from work and straight away goes to bed. In such a case, the wife feels completely ignored and thinks that his husband is not keeping the family prior to his work. When both the couples work, they return late and have no means of communication during the entire day. This leads to communication loss and is the cause for fights gradually turning serious.
14. Cleanliness = Most often, even the tiniest things create trouble between partners. In the case of married couples, cleanliness can be an important issue since both of them live in the same house and the same room. While the wife for instance would want everything to be clean, neatly arranged and everything kept at a proper place, the husband might be carefree about all this and would leave everything scattered around the house and room. This is the point when the argument starts and sometimes it becomes a daily routine.
15. Disagreement in financial issues = The most common problem between a husband and wife is managing the money. This case is worst between couples in which one partner spends listlessly and the other partner is keen on saving money. Trouble arises when someday, one of the partners buys something expensive and the other one is not supportive of that. It may also be possible that if the wife is depended on his husband financially, she might make some demands relating to money which the husband is unable to fulfill. Money is a really important issue in a married couple’s life since they have their entire future in front of them.
Tuesday 22 July 2014
Benefit of Marriage
Marital Facts:
According to the eminent University of Chicago sociologist, Linda Waite: “Married people live longer, are healthier, have fewer heart attacks and other diseases, have fewer problems with alcohol, behave in less risky ways, have more sex -- and more satisfying sex -- and become much more wealthy than single people. There was one exception to this rosy picture: cohabiting couples do have more frequent sex. But they enjoy it less.”Health Benefits:
• Mortality rates are 50 percent higher for unmarried women and 250 percent higher for unmarried men than they are for married women and men.• Married surgical patients are less likely to die than the unmarried.
• Of men matched in every respect except marital status, nine out of ten married men who were alive at age 48 made it to 65; only six out of ten bachelors lived to the usual retirement age.
• Nine out of ten married women alive at age 45 made it to 65, while only eight of ten unmarried women did?
Sexual Satisfaction:
• According to a University of Chicago National Sex Survey, 43 percent of married men reported having sex at least twice a week while only 1.26 percent of single men not cohabiting had sex that often.• 50 percent of married men and 42 percent of married women find sex physically and emotionally satisfying while only 39 percent of cohabiting men and 39 percent of cohabiting women do.
Financial Benefits:
• On the verge of retirement, the typical married couple has accumulated a total of about $410,000, or $205,000 for each person, as compared to $167,000 for the never married “Married households accumulate far more than twice the amount of any other households, something more is happening here than the simple aggregation of individual earnings.”
Physical Security:
• When all crimes are considered, single and divorced women are four to five times more likely to be victims.
• Single women are ten times more likely to be victims of rape and three times more likely to be victims of aggravated assault.
• The national Crime Victimization Survey conducted by the U.S. Department of Justice reports that of all violent crimes against partners that occurred between 1979 and 1987, 65 percent were committed by boyfriends or ex-husbands. Husbands presently living with their wives committed 9 percent of these crimes. A redesigned study changed the statistics somewhat; 55 percent were committed by boyfriends, 31 percent by husbands, and 14 percent by ex-husbands.
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Monday 22 July 2013
Common Cause of Marriage Problems
Common Cause of Marriage Problems
Marriages
usually start off nicely. Everyone cooperates-the couple, their parents, other
relatives, and friends. Things usually run smoothly.
But somewhere along the way, marital disputes come up. This is of course natural, but these can escalate to dangerous levels if not dealt with correctly.
So we are mentioning some problems and provided tips on how to deal with them.
1. Money
Couples argue over many things but money is by far one of the most frequent and serious. The solution is to discuss issues openly and consult within the family.
For instance, the issue of a wife working outside the home can
become a contentious one. This should preferably be discussed before marriage.
Also, if she does decide to work and the husband agrees, does she want to
contribute a certain portion to household expenses or will she keep all of the
money for herself (which is her right)?One of the ways to avoid arguments about money is to simply make an easy budget which tracks expenses, income, investments, and establishes a framework for taking care of regular family necessities.
Also, learn how to make a budget and deal with debt. If you are a young student, keep in mind you have to pay off student loans.
2. In-laws
In-laws are the focus of blame and reproach when there are marital disputes. But there are ways to maintain a good relationship with them. Here are some tips:
a. Remember your spouse's parents have known them longer and loved
them longer. Never make an issue about "me or them".
b. Let respective parties settle their own disputes. If your
mother-in-law has a problem with her husband, let them deal with it. Don't
interfere
c. Don't tell your spouse how to improve their relationship with
their parents.
d. Expect some adjustment time for parents after marriage to
adjust to this new relationship.
e. Remember that mothers are usually skeptical about
daughter-in-laws and fathers about son-in-laws.
e. Always treat your in-laws with compassion, respect and mercy.
f. Maintain a balance between your needs and that of your in-laws.
g. Never compare your wife to your mother or your husband to your
dad.
h. Do not go to your parents with your quarrels.
i. If you are supporting your parents financially inform your
spouse as a matter of courtesy and clarity.
j. Do not forbid your spouse from seeing family unless you fear
for their religion and safety.
k. Make time to know your in-laws but stay out of their disputes.
l. You are not obliged to spend every weekend with your in-laws.
m. Give grandparents easy and reasonable access to their
grandchildren.
n. Be forgiving and keep your sense of humor.
o. Remember that nobody can interfere or influence your marriage
unless you allow them to.
p. Invite in-laws at least once a month for a meal.
q. Visit them when you can and encourage your spouse to visit
their parents and regularly check on them.
r. When parents become dependent on their children, a serious
discussion with all parties present should take place. Expectations and
requirements of such a living arrangement must be worked out.
3. Parenting
The tug of war that results from differing understandings of parenting are also a source of tension in marriage.
4. Stress
Stress is an almost constant factor in most people's.Couples and families need to work out a coping mechanism in the family. For instance, couples can take a walk to talk about the day.5. Domestic violence
This is an extremely sad reality and unless it is dealt with promptly by victims, perpetrators and/or those concerned about the two, then the family will break. Seeking help is necessary and if domestic violence is not stopped, the destructive effects will not only be harmful to the husband and wife, but to their children as well.Family members, friends and Imams need to stop the abuse. They must intervene and work on getting help for the husband and the wife.
6. Sexual dysfunction
This is one of the least talked about problems, but it is one that is wreaking havoc in a number of marriages. Many couples who are marrying are not learning sex . As a result, when they are not satisfied with their spouse, a number of them may turn to others or seek easy divorce, instead of a solution.Couples have to understand that the marital relationship in this area, as in others, needs work and patience and cannot be the subject of whims and impatience. Knowledge, practice and if possible, the advice of a wise, compassionate scholar are two key elements in finding a solution to this problem.
7. Lack of domestic skills
While girls are being encouraged to become scientists, engineers and doctors, for instance, there is little to no emphasis being placed on gaining domestic skills. It should be remembered that in life, we both husband and wife have to support each others in all the activitiesIf a married couple is working, husbands need to pitch in more in the home and remember that their wife is a not a machine, but a human being who also needs rest after a hard day of work.
8.other common behavior are:
he following behaviors are contributing factors to the above causes of divorce. Not only do they create more distress for people around you, but they also make things more difficult for both you and your partner too:
- Blaming your partner, your lawyer, you in-laws, the other man or woman, etc.
- Treating your partner with contempt
- Revenge –- wanting to hurt your soon-to-be ‘ex’
- Setting your children up against your partner
- Delaying tactics
- Arriving unannounced on the doorstep
- Visiting, texting, telephoning, emailing, when you know you shouldn'’t
- Talking badly of your partner to friends, family and work colleagues (don't forget that at some point the two of you may decide to give your marriage another chance.
Come and improve your quality of life with us
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Hello Psychologist Marriage Counselling Center Lucknow
Call For Appointment= 9415370790, 9369160546
Tuesday 9 July 2013
Common Problems that Marriage Counselors Can Help
Common Problems that Marriage Counselors Can Help
1. Remarriage and Blended Families
After people have already been divorced once, they are more likely to be a little nervous about getting remarried. And according to statistics, rightly so. The divorce rates for second marriages are even higher than first marriages. And for couples who already have kids, blending two families can be complicated. Marriage counselors can assist couples in making a smoother transition and also overcoming obstacles and barriers to remarriage.
2. Family of Origin Problems
In-laws can be more than a simple nuisance in some marriages. In fact, family of origin problems can certainly lead to serious marital issues. Setting healthy boundaries can be a difficult issue for many people, especially when they come from dysfunctional families. Issues about how much time to spend with extended family or determining what role extended family will play in your life are common issues. Marriage counselors can assist couples in identifying strategies to keep their relationship healthy despite problems with the family of origin.
3. Mental Health Problems
When one partner has a mental health issue, it certainly impacts them as a couple. Mental health issues such as depression and anxiety can take a toll over time. Other mental health issues, such as bipolar disorder can also interfere with a couple’s ability to maintain a healthy relationship. Couples can benefit from attending counseling together to learn how to work together to treat and deal with mental illness.
4. Grief
Grief comes in many forms. Whether a couple is grieving a miscarriage, loss of a child, or loss of a parent, it can be devastating to marriage. A marriage counselor can assist a couple in working through grief issues together so that their grief doesn't tear them apart.
5. Physical Health Changes
Physical health has a big impact on marriage. As a couple experiences a gradual, age-related decline in health, it can significantly interfere with their activities and intimate life. Other couples, unfortunately, experience a significant illness or accident that may drastically make a big change in their marriage. If one partner is unable to work, contribute to household responsibilities, or help with daily activities, it can lead to a lot of marital problems if it is not addressed.
6. Addictions
Addiction is a common reason that couples seek help. And addiction doesn't necessarily have to be to drugs or alcohol. Cyber sex or internet addictions and gambling addictions are common as well. Sometimes individual or group therapy is needed as well to thoroughly treat an addiction.
7. Infidelity
Dealing with infidelity is a big reason for couples to seek help. Recovering from an affair or even deciding whether or not to try and work through an affair is complicated. A marriage counselor can help the couple address the reason for infidelity and to work through trust issues along with the many feelings associated with an affair.
8. Lifestyle Changes
Major changes in lifestyle can have a serious impact on a couple. Moving to a new area, making a big career change, or having the birth of a baby can certainly upset the apple cart in many marriages. Marriage counselors can help couples identify their expectations and work through changes to make transitions more smoothly.
9. Parenting Disagreements
Parenting can be a big issue for couples. When couples disagree on discipline strategies or parenting philosophies, it can lead to a lot of conflict. Marriage counselors can assist parents in learning to work together so they aren't competing against one another.
10. Communication Problems
Communication is one of the biggest keys to a happy, healthy relationship. However, when couples struggle with communication, it can make everything much more difficult. When couples struggle with communication, solving problems, resolving conflict, and making decisions can become a major source of stress. Marriage counselors can help couples learn new skills and fine tune some of their communication habits.
11. Not Feeling in Love
People also tend to want counseling when they feel the relationship has grown stale. Marriage counselors often hear couples talk about not feeling “in love” anymore. Counseling can be a great way for couples to learn strategies to help them feel more attached and bonded and rekindle some of the spark they may have lost.
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Friday 10 May 2013
Rules for a Happy Marriage Life
Rules for a Happy Marriage Life
1. Never both be angry at the same time.
2. Never yell at each other unless the house is on fire.
3. If one of you has to win an argument, let it be your mate.
4. If you have to criticize, do it lovingly.
5. Never bring up mistakes of the past.
6. Neglect the whole world rather than each other.
7. Never go to sleep with an argument unsettled.
8. At least once every day try to say one kind or complimentary thing to your life's partner.
9. When you have done something wrong, be ready to admit and ask for forgiveness.
10.It takes two to make a quarrel, and the one in the wrong is the one who does the most talking.
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2. Never yell at each other unless the house is on fire.
3. If one of you has to win an argument, let it be your mate.
4. If you have to criticize, do it lovingly.
5. Never bring up mistakes of the past.
6. Neglect the whole world rather than each other.
7. Never go to sleep with an argument unsettled.
8. At least once every day try to say one kind or complimentary thing to your life's partner.
9. When you have done something wrong, be ready to admit and ask for forgiveness.
10.It takes two to make a quarrel, and the one in the wrong is the one who does the most talking.
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Friday 3 May 2013
Sunday 14 April 2013
Most Common Communication Problems in Marriage
Communication is said to be key to marriage. However, many couples aren't sure what sorts of communication mistakes they make and can’t pinpoint just where they've gone wrong.
Just because you are talking doesn't mean you are communicating well. And just because you aren't talking doesn't mean you aren't communicating. Effective communication means that both partners are able to openly discuss their thoughts and feelings while also being able to listen to one another.
Sometimes couples get into bad habits when it comes to communication. Breaking free from bad habits can be hard. The first step in improving your communication is identifying your communication problems.
Often, couples don’t know when to put the brakes on a conversation. However, once things get heated, it can easily pass the point of no return. When people get angry and voices get raised, it’s unlikely that anything will get resolved.
When people get emotional it becomes nearly impossible to listen effectively. People tend to focus more on what they will say next rather than what their spouse is saying. Also, when people are angry they tend to try and get the other person to hear what they are saying. Often, people raise their voice or keep repeating the same things. Compromising, negotiating, and problem-solving become nearly impossible.
It is essential for couples to learn how to recognize when they are becoming too distressed to continue a discussion. Taking a break to calm down can be very helpful and can allow each person to be able to think more rationally and to develop more empathy for their spouse’s point of view.
Communication blockers are those things that attempt to put a quick end to the discussion. There are both verbal and non-verbal communication blockers that are often meant to change the subject or deflect the conversation. Often the message is, “I don’t want to talk about this,” but instead of directly stating it, communication is blocked indirectly.
Non-verbal communication blockers include behaviors such as eye rolling and sighing. Other ways people block the communication non-verbally is by not engaging in the discussion at all. When a person keeps watching television without looking up and doesn’t make eye contact, it can be a communication blocker.
Verbal communication blockers can include things name calling and cursing. They may also include condescending comments such as, “Here we go again…” or “You’re just like your mother.” These sorts of comments show a lack of desire to take the other person’s feelings into consideration.
3. Triangulation
Triangulation is when a third person is introduced into a discussion. This most often occurs when someone seeks advice from a third party before approaching the subject with their spouse. For example, when a wife seeks her mother’s opinion about her spouse’s behaviors it is considered triangulation. Perhaps she talks to her mother about her spouse’s desire to work long hours and then tells her husband, “My mother agrees with me that you shouldn’t work so late.”
Triangulation can be damaging to the relationship because private information is often shared with another. Also, it is important to take your spouse’s opinion into account and not necessarily the opinion of others who aren’t in the situation.
Triangulation sometimes even occurs in the context of therapy. When one spouse says to the other, “I’m going to tell our therapist that you just did that” as if it is a threat. The other way triangulation can occur in therapy is when one spouse is focused on trying to gain the therapist’s favor and to agree that the other spouse is “wrong.”
When one spouse is more concerned with pointing out that the other is at fault, it interferes with communication. Effective communication requires that a couple tackle a problem with a desire to solve it as a couple. However, when fingers are pointed, it often keeps the couple stuck in the problem rather than working the solution.
Although it is important to take responsibility for your own behaviors, rehashing whose fault it is and who is to blame isn't helpful. Instead, it is more helpful to solve the problem and find ways to improve the next time.
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Thursday 28 March 2013
Sunday 24 March 2013
Importance Of Sex In Marriage Life
This is one question that surely gets men and women divided into two groups.
When asked, men immediately respond - very important and women say, not very important and certainly not the most important. In fact, some women may even claim it to be not important at all. Though there are exceptions all around, lets come to face it - Sex IS important in any marriage. How much? It depends.
Before getting on with the discussion, let us get this straight.
Men need to have sex to feel close to their mate while women need to feel close to their mate to have sex.
Different Perspectives
People in west view sex differently from easterners. Similarly, men and women in urban India look at sex much differently than how a conservative Indian talks about it.
Men, Women and the Sex
Like I said before, this is one thing that clearly carries different meanings among men and women.
To men, sex is not just about pleasure, it is also about power. Sex inflates their ego like anything. Men are not good at expressing themselves verbally so making love is a way of their expression. They need it to be shown that their wife is attracted towards them. They need to be proud of their virility. So, to men it is just not about love. It is also about power.
To women, sex is an act. They need to be caressed, kissed and loved. It is mainly a way to deepen their love for partner, while in contrast, to men it can be even a plain way to shoo the stress away!
Since in a marriage, both a man and a woman are involved, we can say that sex is needed to strengthen the emotional bond and also to drive the rifts and stress away.
Sex or Love?
Men say sex leads to love and women say love leads to sex.
But whatever leads whichever, one thing is sure. A marriage with love without sex can survive but a marriage with sex without love cannot survive.
If you do not have enough sex in your marriage but both the partners love each other and are intimate with each other, the marriage lasts longer. But if you have enough sex but little intimacy or very little love and respect, your marriage may not withstand the test of time.
Sex leads to intimacy
Undoubtedly, one thing that sets marriage apart from a committed relationship is sex. Though we cannot say this about relationships in today's times where sex begins the relationship.
Making love after a fight actually dissolves the issues and sets upset moods right. You are talking love and think about your first meeting with your spouse and you both feel strongly for each other.
Sex brings a closeness that is beyond words. It relaxes you, puts you in tune with each other and smooths over all the everyday trials and tribulations.
If it’s not important then what is the deal about infidelity?
Someone once asked me “we always keep saying, it is not important” But if it is really not important then why do we make a big deal of it if the partner strays away'? I think it’s a valid question. In marriage, you are not allowed to sleep with someone else. This means sleeping with your partner is something that exclusively you have the right to.
But there is more to life than sex
It is established that sex in indeed a very important part of one's marriage. But yes, there is much more to life and a relationship than just sex
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Tuesday 19 March 2013
5 Marriage Mistakes That Lead To Divorce
1. Cheating:
Many respondents said that if their partner cheated on them, they would end the relationship. Although not every couple felt this way. Some respondents indicated a willingness to work through infidelity; however, many thought they could not. Even those who believe they can stay with their partner have difficulty restoring trust. The person who did the cheating may be repentant but the person who was cheated on often feels so betrayed that they can't get past it. They continue to punish their partner for the deep hurt they feel and the relationship often crumbles.
2. Dishonesty:
Dishonesty involves only those incidents when they deliberately say things they know to be untrue, so neglecting to tell the truth is not seen as dishonesty. For others, anything that can be misleading from the truth, whether verbal or simply not expressed, is viewed as a lie. Many people in happy relationships said if their spouse lied to them, they may not be able to continue the relationship. For many, the marriage should be built on absolute trust. When that trust is abused or broken, some cannot maintain that relationship.
3. Addictions:
For many, an addiction is something that cannot be forgiven, particularly if in the beginning of the relationship the addiction was not known or did not exist. Some addiction deal breakers were drug and alcohol problems, gambling or pornography. In addition to the first two concerns, addictions create trust issues. Many people felt they would not be able to count on their significant other to be consistent in his/her behavior and to put the relationship before anything else. Eventually, this would wear strongly on the foundation of one's marriage.
4. Abuse:
Many people stated that if their spouse hit them, or physically or sexually abused their children, the relationship would be over. While there are many people who opt to stay in physically abusive relationships and some spouses who look the other way if their children are abused by their spouse, many people would not allow themselves or their children to be abused in that way especially by someone who promised to love them. This, again, can be boiled down to a trust issue.
5. Major changes in priorities:
Some people mentioned a major change in religious beliefs and practices could strain the relationship, some people talked about putting jobs or children before the marriage and yet others complained of drastic changes in friendships or relationships with in-laws. Again, I think it comes down to trust and consistency.
When people enter into a marriage, they have the expectation that their loved one is the person they know best, someone who will always have their back. When things happen to shake that belief, it rocks the foundation of the relationship. Being able to trust, count on and predict one's spouse is paramount to a healthy, happy relationship.
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Tuesday 5 March 2013
Thursday 28 February 2013
Thursday 31 January 2013
How To Make Husband Happy-Tips
How To Make Husband Happy Tips
- SMS her some love during the day.
- Help her fill in her 12-hugs-a-day tank with lots of hugs (and kisses).
- Cook dinner from time to time. Husbands who cook have happier marriages.
- Stay and help while cleaning up after meals. Many couples fight over cleaning up. If you do it together, it will take half the time, become part of your quality time and then leave more time for romance.
- Find a loving nickname for her.
- Say "I love you" when you meet and when you say good-bye.
- Mark special dates on your calendar. There are not that many dates to remember: mainly her birthday and your wedding anniversary. But if you really want to be a super husband, remember the date that you first became a couple.
- Take the kids out on your own from time to time to give her some space. It can be as simple as offering some time off on the weekend to allow her to sleep in a little bit longer, or as easy as organizing an evening out with the kids.
- When she is upset, listen to her but do not try to give advice (unless she asks for it).
- Tell her how much you love to touch and smell her.
- Invite her to a movie or a restaurant like you would have if you were dating.
- Write her love notes and put them in places where she would not expect to find them, like inside the laundry basket, on the mirror in the bathroom, inside her wallet or on the visor in her car.
- Shower the kids or read them a story. I have to say that having watched my husband doing these things for many years with our children makes me love him more and more everyday. It is such a simple, beautiful thing to see father and kids reading a story together, that it makes the entire family happy.
- Offer some technical help if she is struggling with remotes, computers or electrical wiring.
- Say something nice about her choice in clothes.
- Bring her flowers.
- Give her a massage.
- You are strong and manly. Take the garbage out.
- Bring home dinner from time to time as a surprise. Try not to do this if she has already prepared a dinner. It is always better to check first and make sure the dinner is not all ready yet.
- Tell her "I trust you to…" Any positive ending to this sentence works miracles in any relationship. Count how many times you say this phrase during your relationship and I am sure you will find it much easier to spend many happy years together.
- Give her a kiss for no reason. Kiss for the love of kissing. Kiss in the morning and remember to always, always, always kiss at night before you fall asleep, even (especially) if you have just had a fight.
- Stay cool when she is having a long phone conversation with her girlfriend, mom or sister. These phone calls are a way for her to work things out and get emotional support. They are good for you…
- Bring home a sexy movie from the video shop to watch together.
- Learn how to use the washing machine and use it without being asked.
- Go shopping with her if she asks you to. Consider this quality time. You can do the grocery shopping while you talk together about your plans and dreams.
- Clean the toilet from time to time.
- Bring her small gifts.
- Hold her hand even when there are people around. It is a public display of affection and this is important to her.
- Initiate weekends away.
- Keep a photo of her in your wallet.
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Wednesday 24 October 2012
How ego causes a breakup ?
How can Ego affect a Relationship ?
Relationships are based upon mutual trust and love.
Sounds very idealistic, but this is not the case all the time. Many times relationships go sour, because partners are not able to adjust with each other. In most of the cases, it is the ego which mars the relationship. Couples often are not willing to compromise with their ego. Each one would like to have his or her own way. In case of an argument, they would not like to accept the fact that they are at fault. Such kind of an attitude leads to disharmony and eventually a breakup.
Since ego is a major cause of a relationship breaking down, it is better to understand how ego can affect a relationship.
How ego causes a breakup ?
- Each partner feels superior to the other and is not willing to listen to the other person.
- The feeling that one is right is often the cause of disharmony. A partner is not willing to accept defeat and feels that his or her point of view is correct.
- Making compromises may be difficult. In order to make a compromise, one has to forgo one’s ego. Some couples may have problems doing so.
- Male chauvinism often causes separation of partners. A man usually likes to keep a control on his woman, particularly in the East, and may not like a woman trying to be assertive.
- A liberated woman may like to assert her ego over her man’s . She may not like to compromise on her views in case she feels she is right. Also she would like to show her man that she is also equally intelligent to handle situations and take decisions on her own. This approach can lead to friction between the couples.
- Why must one nurture a healthy ego-It is obvious that one must have a healthy ego to have a successful relationship. A bloated ego can be of much concern, as it can prevent two people coming closer to each other. A person with a healthy and normal ego, will attract more people towards him or herself. It will be easy for him or her to keep up close relationships. Such a person can make compromises easily. A person with an inflated ego will be disliked by many people.In the West, most of the divorce cases are due to ego problems. People divorce over flimsy reasons. Even a small issue can be made into a major one as one’s ego is hurt. In the East, traditionally, a woman is supposed to keep check on her ego in a marriage relationship. Most of the time, she remains subdued. This is another extreme situation, which is also not representative of a healthy relationship.
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