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Importance Of Sex In Marriage Life

This is one question that surely gets men and women divided into two groups.

When asked, men immediately respond - very important and women say, not very important and certainly not the most important. In fact, some women may even claim it to be not important at all. Though there are exceptions all around, lets come to face it - Sex IS important in any marriage. How much? It depends.

Before getting on with the discussion, let us get this straight.

Men need to have sex to feel close to their mate while women need to feel close to their mate to have sex.

                                                                 Different Perspectives                                                                                  

People in west view sex differently from easterners. Similarly, men and women in urban India look at sex much differently than how a conservative Indian talks about it.

                                                              Men, Women and the Sex                                                                              

Like I said before, this is one thing that clearly carries different meanings among men and women.

To men, sex is not just about pleasure, it is also about power. Sex inflates their ego like anything. Men are not good at expressing themselves verbally so making love is a way of their expression. They need it to be shown that their wife is attracted towards them. They need to be proud of their virility. So, to men it is just not about love. It is also about power.

To women, sex is an act. They need to be caressed, kissed and loved. It is mainly a way to deepen their love for partner, while in contrast, to men it can be even a plain way to shoo the stress away!

Since in a marriage, both a man and a woman are involved, we can say that sex is needed to strengthen the emotional bond and also to drive the rifts and stress away.

                                                                           Sex or Love?                                                                                               

Men say sex leads to love and women say love leads to sex.

But whatever leads whichever, one thing is sure. A marriage with love without sex can survive but a marriage with sex without love cannot survive.

If you do not have enough sex in your marriage but both the partners love each other and are intimate with each other, the marriage lasts longer. But if you have enough sex but little intimacy or very little love and respect, your marriage may not withstand the test of time.

                                                                   Sex leads to intimacy                                                                                          

Undoubtedly, one thing that sets marriage apart from a committed relationship is sex. Though we cannot say this about relationships in today's times where sex begins the relationship.

Making love after a fight actually dissolves the issues and sets upset moods right. You are talking love and think about your first meeting with your spouse and you both feel strongly for each other.

Sex brings a closeness that is beyond words. It relaxes you, puts you in tune with each other and smooths over all the everyday trials and tribulations.

If it’s not important then what is the deal about infidelity?

Someone once asked me “we always keep saying, it is not important” But if it is really not important then why do we make a big deal of it if the partner strays away'? I think it’s a valid question. In marriage, you are not allowed to sleep with someone else. This means sleeping with your partner is something that exclusively you have the right to.

             But there is more to life than sex                               

It is established that sex in indeed a very important part of one's marriage. But yes, there is much more to life and a relationship than just sex


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5 Marriage Mistakes That Lead To Divorce

1. Cheating:

 Many respondents said that if their partner cheated on them, they would end the relationship. Although not every couple felt this way. Some respondents indicated a willingness to work through infidelity; however, many thought they could not. Even those who believe they can stay with their partner have difficulty restoring trust. The person who did the cheating may be repentant but the person who was cheated on often feels so betrayed that they can't get past it. They continue to punish their partner for the deep hurt they feel and the relationship often crumbles.

2. Dishonesty: 

  Dishonesty involves only those incidents when they deliberately say things they know to be untrue, so neglecting to tell the truth is not seen as dishonesty. For others, anything that can be misleading from the truth, whether verbal or simply not expressed, is viewed as a lie. Many people in happy relationships said if their spouse lied to them, they may not be able to continue the relationship. For many, the marriage should be built on absolute trust. When that trust is abused or broken, some cannot maintain that relationship.

3. Addictions: 

For many, an addiction is something that cannot be forgiven, particularly if in the beginning of the relationship the addiction was not known or did not exist. Some addiction deal breakers were drug and alcohol problems, gambling or pornography. In addition to the first two concerns, addictions create trust issues. Many people felt they would not be able to count on their significant other to be consistent in his/her behavior and to put the relationship before anything else. Eventually, this would wear strongly on the foundation of one's marriage.

4. Abuse: 

Many people stated that if their spouse hit them, or physically or sexually abused their children, the relationship would be over. While there are many people who opt to stay in physically abusive relationships and some spouses who look the other way if their children are abused by their spouse, many people would not allow themselves or their children to be abused in that way especially by someone who promised to love them. This, again, can be boiled down to a trust issue.

5. Major changes in priorities: 

Major changes in priorities can cause an end in a marriage. People grow and change; sometimes they grow together in the same direction and other times they grow apart. There are other people who never change and are the same person fifty years into the marriage. What can be problematic and end relationships is when one or both partners change their priorities in ways that are unacceptable to their spouse.
 Some people mentioned a major change in religious beliefs and practices could strain the relationship, some people talked about putting jobs or children before the marriage and yet others complained of drastic changes in friendships or relationships with in-laws. Again, I think it comes down to trust and consistency.

When people enter into a marriage, they have the expectation that their loved one is the person they know best, someone who will always have their back. When things happen to shake that belief, it rocks the foundation of the relationship. Being able to trust, count on and predict one's spouse is paramount to a healthy, happy relationship.

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