Common Cause of Marriage Problems

Common Cause of Marriage Problems 

Marriages usually start off nicely. Everyone cooperates-the couple, their parents, other relatives, and friends. Things usually run smoothly.
But somewhere along the way, marital disputes come up. This is of course natural, but these can escalate to dangerous levels if not dealt with correctly.
So we are mentioning some problems and provided tips on how to deal with them.

1. Money

Couples argue over many things but money is by far one of the most frequent and serious. The solution is to discuss issues openly and consult within the family.
For instance, the issue of a wife working outside the home can become a contentious one. This should preferably be discussed before marriage. Also, if she does decide to work and the husband agrees, does she want to contribute a certain portion to household expenses or will she keep all of the money for herself (which is her right)?
One of the ways to avoid arguments about money is to simply make an easy budget which tracks expenses, income, investments, and establishes a framework for taking care of regular family necessities.
Also, learn how to make a budget and deal with debt. If you are a young student, keep in mind you have to pay off student loans.

2. In-laws

In-laws are the focus of blame and reproach when there are marital disputes. But there are ways to maintain a good relationship with them. Here are some tips:

a. Remember your spouse's parents have known them longer and loved them longer. Never make an issue about "me or them".

b. Let respective parties settle their own disputes. If your mother-in-law has a problem with her husband, let them deal with it. Don't interfere

c. Don't tell your spouse how to improve their relationship with their parents.

d. Expect some adjustment time for parents after marriage to adjust to this new relationship.

e. Remember that mothers are usually skeptical about daughter-in-laws and fathers about son-in-laws.

e. Always treat your in-laws with compassion, respect and mercy.

f. Maintain a balance between your needs and that of your in-laws.

g. Never compare your wife to your mother or your husband to your dad.

h. Do not go to your parents with your quarrels.

i. If you are supporting your parents financially inform your spouse as a matter of courtesy and clarity.

j. Do not forbid your spouse from seeing family unless you fear for their religion and safety.

k. Make time to know your in-laws but stay out of their disputes.

l. You are not obliged to spend every weekend with your in-laws.

m. Give grandparents easy and reasonable access to their grandchildren.

n. Be forgiving and keep your sense of humor.

o. Remember that nobody can interfere or influence your marriage unless you allow them to.

p. Invite in-laws at least once a month for a meal.

q. Visit them when you can and encourage your spouse to visit their parents and regularly check on them.

r. When parents become dependent on their children, a serious discussion with all parties present should take place. Expectations and requirements of such a living arrangement must be worked out.

3. Parenting

The tug of war that results from differing understandings of parenting are also a source of tension in marriage.  

4. Stress

Stress is an almost constant factor in most people's.Couples and families need to work out a coping mechanism in the family. For instance, couples can take a walk to talk about the day.

5. Domestic violence

This is an extremely sad reality and unless it is dealt with promptly by victims, perpetrators and/or those concerned about the two, then the family will break. Seeking help is necessary and if domestic violence is not stopped, the destructive effects will not only be harmful to the husband and wife, but to their children as well.
Family members, friends and Imams need to stop the abuse. They must intervene and work on getting help for the husband and the wife.

6. Sexual dysfunction

This is one of the least talked about problems, but it is one that is wreaking havoc in a number of marriages. Many couples who are marrying are not learning sex . As a result, when they are not satisfied with their spouse, a number of them may turn to others or seek easy divorce, instead of a solution.
Couples have to understand that the marital relationship in this area, as in others, needs work and patience and cannot be the subject of whims and impatience. Knowledge, practice and if possible, the advice of a wise, compassionate scholar are two key elements in finding a solution to this problem.

7. Lack of domestic skills

While girls are being encouraged to become scientists, engineers and doctors, for instance, there is little to no emphasis being placed on gaining domestic skills. It should be remembered that in life, we both husband and wife have to support each others in all the activities

If a married couple is working, husbands need to pitch in more in the home and remember that their wife is a not a machine, but a human being who also needs rest after a hard day of work.

8.other common behavior are:

he following behaviors are contributing factors to the above causes of divorce. Not only do they create more distress for people around you, but they also make things more difficult for both you and your partner too:

1. Blaming your partner, your lawyer, you in-laws, the other man or woman, etc.
2. Treating your partner with contempt
3. Revenge –- wanting to hurt your soon-to-be ‘ex’
4. Setting your children up against your partner
5. Delaying tactics
6. Arriving unannounced on the doorstep
7. Visiting, texting, telephoning, emailing, when you know you shouldn'’t
8. Talking badly of your partner to friends, family and work colleagues (don't forget that at some point the two of you may decide to give your marriage another chance.

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Common Problems that Marriage Counselors Can Help

 Common Problems that Marriage Counselors Can Help

There are lots of reasons that couples may decide to seek help and get marriage counseling. There are some common themes that marriage counselors encounter when couples seek help for their marriage. Most marriage counselors are comfortable addressing and helping couples deal with these problems, but certainly there are many other common marital issues that can be addressed in counseling as well.


1. Remarriage and Blended Families
After people have already been divorced once, they are more likely to be a little nervous about getting remarried. And according to statistics, rightly so. The divorce rates for second marriages are even higher than first marriages. And for couples who already have kids, blending two families can be complicated. Marriage counselors can assist couples in making a smoother transition and also overcoming obstacles and barriers to remarriage.

2. Family of Origin Problems
In-laws can be more than a simple nuisance in some marriages. In fact, family of origin problems can certainly lead to serious marital issues. Setting healthy boundaries can be a difficult issue for many people, especially when they come from dysfunctional families. Issues about how much time to spend with extended family or determining what role extended family will play in your life are common issues. Marriage counselors can assist couples in identifying strategies to keep their relationship healthy despite problems with the family of origin.

3. Mental Health Problems
When one partner has a mental health issue, it certainly impacts them as a couple. Mental health issues such as depression and anxiety can take a toll over time. Other mental health issues, such as bipolar disorder can also interfere with a couple’s ability to maintain a healthy relationship. Couples can benefit from attending counseling together to learn how to work together to treat and deal with mental illness.

4. Grief
Grief comes in many forms. Whether a couple is grieving a miscarriage, loss of a child, or loss of a parent, it can be devastating to marriage. A marriage counselor can assist a couple in working through grief issues together so that their grief doesn't tear them apart.

5. Physical Health Changes
Physical health has a big impact on marriage. As a couple experiences a gradual, age-related decline in health, it can significantly interfere with their activities and intimate life. Other couples, unfortunately, experience a significant illness or accident that may drastically make a big change in their marriage. If one partner is unable to work, contribute to household responsibilities, or help with daily activities, it can lead to a lot of marital problems if it is not addressed.

6. Addictions
Addiction is a common reason that couples seek help. And addiction doesn't necessarily have to be to drugs or alcohol. Cyber sex or internet addictions and gambling addictions are common as well. Sometimes individual or group therapy is needed as well to thoroughly treat an addiction.

7. Infidelity
Dealing with infidelity is a big reason for couples to seek help. Recovering from an affair or even deciding whether or not to try and work through an affair is complicated. A marriage counselor can help the couple address the reason for infidelity and to work through trust issues along with the many feelings associated with an affair.

8. Lifestyle Changes
Major changes in lifestyle can have a serious impact on a couple. Moving to a new area, making a big career change, or having the birth of a baby can certainly upset the apple cart in many marriages.  Marriage counselors can help couples identify their expectations and work through changes to make transitions more smoothly.

9. Parenting Disagreements
Parenting can be a big issue for couples. When couples disagree on discipline strategies or parenting philosophies, it can lead to a lot of conflict. Marriage counselors can assist parents in learning to work together so they aren't competing against one another.

10. Communication Problems
Communication is one of the biggest keys to a happy, healthy relationship. However, when couples struggle with communication, it can make everything much more difficult. When couples struggle with communication, solving problems, resolving conflict, and making decisions can become a major source of stress. Marriage counselors can help couples learn new skills and fine tune some of their communication habits.

11. Not Feeling in Love
People also tend to want counseling when they feel the relationship has grown stale. Marriage counselors often hear couples talk about not feeling “in love” anymore. Counseling can be a great way for couples to learn strategies to help them feel more attached and bonded and rekindle some of the spark they may have lost.


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