Common Cause of Marriage Problems

Common Cause of Marriage Problems 

Marriages usually start off nicely. Everyone cooperates-the couple, their parents, other relatives, and friends. Things usually run smoothly.
But somewhere along the way, marital disputes come up. This is of course natural, but these can escalate to dangerous levels if not dealt with correctly.
So we are mentioning some problems and provided tips on how to deal with them.

1. Money

Couples argue over many things but money is by far one of the most frequent and serious. The solution is to discuss issues openly and consult within the family.
For instance, the issue of a wife working outside the home can become a contentious one. This should preferably be discussed before marriage. Also, if she does decide to work and the husband agrees, does she want to contribute a certain portion to household expenses or will she keep all of the money for herself (which is her right)?
One of the ways to avoid arguments about money is to simply make an easy budget which tracks expenses, income, investments, and establishes a framework for taking care of regular family necessities.
Also, learn how to make a budget and deal with debt. If you are a young student, keep in mind you have to pay off student loans.

2. In-laws

In-laws are the focus of blame and reproach when there are marital disputes. But there are ways to maintain a good relationship with them. Here are some tips:

a. Remember your spouse's parents have known them longer and loved them longer. Never make an issue about "me or them".

b. Let respective parties settle their own disputes. If your mother-in-law has a problem with her husband, let them deal with it. Don't interfere

c. Don't tell your spouse how to improve their relationship with their parents.

d. Expect some adjustment time for parents after marriage to adjust to this new relationship.

e. Remember that mothers are usually skeptical about daughter-in-laws and fathers about son-in-laws.

e. Always treat your in-laws with compassion, respect and mercy.

f. Maintain a balance between your needs and that of your in-laws.

g. Never compare your wife to your mother or your husband to your dad.

h. Do not go to your parents with your quarrels.

i. If you are supporting your parents financially inform your spouse as a matter of courtesy and clarity.

j. Do not forbid your spouse from seeing family unless you fear for their religion and safety.

k. Make time to know your in-laws but stay out of their disputes.

l. You are not obliged to spend every weekend with your in-laws.

m. Give grandparents easy and reasonable access to their grandchildren.

n. Be forgiving and keep your sense of humor.

o. Remember that nobody can interfere or influence your marriage unless you allow them to.

p. Invite in-laws at least once a month for a meal.

q. Visit them when you can and encourage your spouse to visit their parents and regularly check on them.

r. When parents become dependent on their children, a serious discussion with all parties present should take place. Expectations and requirements of such a living arrangement must be worked out.

3. Parenting

The tug of war that results from differing understandings of parenting are also a source of tension in marriage.  

4. Stress

Stress is an almost constant factor in most people's.Couples and families need to work out a coping mechanism in the family. For instance, couples can take a walk to talk about the day.

5. Domestic violence

This is an extremely sad reality and unless it is dealt with promptly by victims, perpetrators and/or those concerned about the two, then the family will break. Seeking help is necessary and if domestic violence is not stopped, the destructive effects will not only be harmful to the husband and wife, but to their children as well.
Family members, friends and Imams need to stop the abuse. They must intervene and work on getting help for the husband and the wife.

6. Sexual dysfunction

This is one of the least talked about problems, but it is one that is wreaking havoc in a number of marriages. Many couples who are marrying are not learning sex . As a result, when they are not satisfied with their spouse, a number of them may turn to others or seek easy divorce, instead of a solution.
Couples have to understand that the marital relationship in this area, as in others, needs work and patience and cannot be the subject of whims and impatience. Knowledge, practice and if possible, the advice of a wise, compassionate scholar are two key elements in finding a solution to this problem.

7. Lack of domestic skills

While girls are being encouraged to become scientists, engineers and doctors, for instance, there is little to no emphasis being placed on gaining domestic skills. It should be remembered that in life, we both husband and wife have to support each others in all the activities

If a married couple is working, husbands need to pitch in more in the home and remember that their wife is a not a machine, but a human being who also needs rest after a hard day of work.

8.other common behavior are:

he following behaviors are contributing factors to the above causes of divorce. Not only do they create more distress for people around you, but they also make things more difficult for both you and your partner too:

1. Blaming your partner, your lawyer, you in-laws, the other man or woman, etc.
2. Treating your partner with contempt
3. Revenge –- wanting to hurt your soon-to-be ‘ex’
4. Setting your children up against your partner
5. Delaying tactics
6. Arriving unannounced on the doorstep
7. Visiting, texting, telephoning, emailing, when you know you shouldn'’t
8. Talking badly of your partner to friends, family and work colleagues (don't forget that at some point the two of you may decide to give your marriage another chance.

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