Most couples end up in divorce court because they wait until it is too late to get the help needed to save their marriage. Not dealing with marital problems can mean a build up of resentment; hurt feelings and can cause one spouse to emotionally detach from the other.
Often times, we don't go into a relationship with the tools to manage the challenges, which is where the pros come in. And by pros, I mean a counselor or therapist who can help you learn new ways of relating to your partner.
The question is: when do you know it's time to consider marriage counseling? Here are some trigger points and behaviors that are signs you may need help.
1. When you aren't talking = In all honesty, many relationship challenges are simply challenges in communication. A marriage counselor can help facilitate new ways to communicate with each other. Once communication has deteriorated, often it is hard to get it going back in the right direction.
2. Having the Same Arguments Over and Over Again With no Resolution = Couples fight But most of the time they're able to make up and get over it. Even if they don't agree on a solution, they're able to say sorry and move ahead with no bad feelings. But when you just can't seem to come to a resolution together and keep rehashing the same old argument with it ending in the same old hurt feelings, that's a big sign that you should see a marriage counselor.
3. When you're talking, but it’s always negative = Negative communication can include anything that leaves one partner feeling judged, shamed, disregarded, insecure or wanting to withdraw from the conversation. Negative communication also includes the tone of conversation because it’s not always what you say, but how you say it. Negative communication can escalate into emotional abuse as well as non-verbal communication.
4. When you keep secrets = Each person in a relationship has a right to privacy, but when you keep secrets from each other, something isn't right.
5. When you're afraid to talk. When it's just too frightening to even bring issues up. This can be anything from sex or money, or even annoying little habits that are being blown out of proportion. A marriage counselor is to help a couple become clear about their issues and to help them understand what they are truly talking about.
6. You always expect your spouse to change = You see your spouse's faults and failures every day. It's really irritating and frustrating you. They're messy, they're lazy, they nag you, they don't help with the kids, they're always at work. You think you've done all the changing, and they haven't done a thing.
7 Over possessiveness = Sometimes, too much of anything is bad. The same goes for married couples. Too much love also leads to misunderstandings and an example of that is over possessiveness. Sometimes, the wife might generally talk to another man related to work but the husband might not see this in a good way. This is the point where arguments are caused due to over possessiveness. In such cases, both the partners are trying to put their point and in doing so they are indirectly fighting. Possessiveness at some point is okay to deal with but over possessiveness definitely causes a lot of trouble between partners.
8-Dealing with the Child = The child is considered to be a mark of love in a married couple’s life, but sometimes it is this child that becomes the reason for most of their disagreements. The needs of the child are many and those have to be taken care of by both the parents but sometimes the parents do not know how to go about with the situation. One of them wants to raise their kid in a particular manner while other one does not agree with that. Another factor over here is discipline. Both the parents are sometimes not uniform in their way of imposing discipline in the child. The husband might be strict and the mother might be relaxed and vice versa. In such cases, fights are very natural. The couples start fighting as to whose decision should prevail and this leads to the beginning of a break in their relationship.
9= Dealing with in-laws = For a husband or wife who is not accepted in the family, dealing with the in laws can be very hectic. If they are far off then it is okay to deal with them but if they live nearby or in the family itself then that can be a problem. The problem between the husband and wife starts when the wife starts complaining to his husband about her in laws or maybe the husband starts cribbing about the way his mother in law treats him. Sometimes it may be possible that the husband does not say anything, but usually, the husband or wife, start taking sides of their families. The idea case should be that a husband and wife should be accepted in both the families, but this case is not so usual and it generally becomes a cause of their misunderstanding.
10. Decision making = Making decisions is an important function that a couple has to do when they are married but sometimes, it is this process of decision making that leads to trouble. Sometimes even this cannot be decided that who is to make a particular decision, whether it’s the husband or the wife. In such cases fights take place which get worse. Sometimes one of the partners may take a decision but it may not be appreciated by the other person. In such cases arguments are inevitable and it can be solved only by proper discussion by both the partners.
11. Disagreement in sexual matters = Disagreement between sexual matters is also one of the reason which leads to fights between married couples. It may be that one of the partners is not feeling well that day, but the other partner, in spite of knowing this, insists upon the same. This is the place when the fights start.
12. Extra-Marital Affair = Sometimes, one of the partners starts getting suspicious of the other partner in case of an extra marital affair. The extra marital affair may be true or it may just be a misunderstanding. If it is just a suspicion without any proof, that causes most of the fights between couples where each of them is trying to prove the other person wrong.
13. Work Issues/ not giving enough time = Sometimes in the case of couples where one of them work or both of them do, they often complain that their partner does not give sufficient time to them and the family. Sometimes, only the husband works and he often returns late from work and straight away goes to bed. In such a case, the wife feels completely ignored and thinks that his husband is not keeping the family prior to his work. When both the couples work, they return late and have no means of communication during the entire day. This leads to communication loss and is the cause for fights gradually turning serious.
14. Cleanliness = Most often, even the tiniest things create trouble between partners. In the case of married couples, cleanliness can be an important issue since both of them live in the same house and the same room. While the wife for instance would want everything to be clean, neatly arranged and everything kept at a proper place, the husband might be carefree about all this and would leave everything scattered around the house and room. This is the point when the argument starts and sometimes it becomes a daily routine.
15. Disagreement in financial issues = The most common problem between a husband and wife is managing the money. This case is worst between couples in which one partner spends listlessly and the other partner is keen on saving money. Trouble arises when someday, one of the partners buys something expensive and the other one is not supportive of that. It may also be possible that if the wife is depended on his husband financially, she might make some demands relating to money which the husband is unable to fulfill. Money is a really important issue in a married couple’s life since they have their entire future in front of them.
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